Family Circus

No one can drive us crazy unless we give them the keys. - Doug Horton

Sunday

Fashion Slams, Hollywood Style

HAPPY NEW YEAR! Unable to design a 2005 Review of my own, I've decided to comment on what I see as most distasteful. Fashion Slams. For example:

The MSN 2005 Year In Review, Best of Undressed

Okay, so I'm an 'outsider' who gets a thrill when a Hollywood, 'airbrushed' starlet gets a kick in her can. So I'm flawed...who's not? I get this one: Plastic, blonde, Barbie-doll-esque, Nicolette Sheridan. Desperate, yes. Housewife, uh-uh. Hollywood starlets pay big money to stylists to look their best on the red carpet. Then they are pressed by photographers, who will shout anything at them to catch a big-money full-face shot. I'd hate to be caught by the paparazzi taking out the garbage without a bra on. I wouldn't have to flail my arms at them to force them off my property. I could merely make a quick spin and level the photographers with my oversized, pendulous mammary pouches.




But, do not, I repeat, DO NOT pick on a redhead: Debra Messing: she had just given birth to a son, like 15 minutes before the picture was taken and had chosen flattering attire, considering her fresh post-baby tummy (I still proudly own a stale version after four pregnancies in five years).

Morons in Hollywood need a lesson in redheaded Irish-Italian women, huh? Wait. Are you lookin' at me? Do you wanna piece of me? Huh? That's what I thought. Debra Messing had a baby growing in that body just a few weeks earlier, and shortly after the birth was back to fighting form! As long as I'm working the alliteration, let me throw out another 'f' word to celebrity reporters...

CAST & CREW

Erin: 31, Emcee. Witty redhead, handy with a whip.

DH: 30, Strong Man. Comedian, defender of virtue.

Halie: 7, Chimpanzee. Pulls teeth, loves bananas.

Catie: 5, Leaping Lemur. Gentle and cuddly, loves grapes.

Rosie: 2, Cappuccin. Flings poo, loves carrots.

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