Family Circus

No one can drive us crazy unless we give them the keys. - Doug Horton

Saturday

A New Nickname?

Stinker climbed into bed with me this morning, I don't know what time it was, about o-dark-hundred hours. When I rolled over and snuggled her up close to me, I realized that 1) she was HOT, and 2) she had not a stitch on. I got up, picked my toddler up and headed straight for her room. I put a fresh diaper on her as well as fresh jammies. I attempted to lay her back down on her pillow and cover her with a blanket. My two year old firmly objected by saying "NOOOOOOOOO!", then flailing her tiny legs to get the blanket off of herself. So much for THAT idea. Instead, I carried her on my hip as I went to the living room. I deposited her in her favorite spot on the couch and headed into the kitchen to retrieve her doses of Motrin and Triaminic Cough and Cold. When I returned, I turned up the lights in the living room, and this is what I saw:

I think I actually said out loud, "Oh, poor baby." It was then that Stinker began to wail. Not just crying, not moaning, just pitifully wailing. She has always taken any medicine without incident, but this morning, she gagged and spat a mouthful of liquid Motrin at me. Picture how the rest of the dosing went: I laid Stinker down on her back, between my legs, her head at my crotch level. I placed each arm under the weight of my legs, so when I poured the medicine in her mouth, she had no physical way to voice her objection. Wouldn't you know, Stinker didn't even whimper when I restrained her and gave her the medicine! About fifteen minutes after that, she was almost her normal self, aside from the faucet-like nose. Six hours later, when she was due for more medicine, my daughter was sleeping. I wasn't about to wake her, so when she finally woke up, I was in for a rude surprise. I liken her waking behavior to Bill Bixby turning into The Hulk. She began screaming, then began tearing at her clothing. When she got her blanket sleeper off, she grabbed her diaper at the crotch and ripped it off, in one fluid movement. Why did I let her continue, you ask? Because I was very afraid of my two year old. Like Steve Martin said in Parenthood, "I was just waiting for her head to spin around!" Eventually, my child began to wear herself out - Praise God - and began to move more slowly. I was able to step away, prepare another dose of both medicines, then grab her, restrain her using the method mentioned above, and medicate her once more. All is calm , for now. I am considering changing Rosie's nickname from Stinker to something more appropriate, like Crabatha or Grumblina. Maybe Crabigail. When my DH gets home after 7 this evening, I think I'll climb into bed and suck my thumb.

CAST & CREW

Erin: 31, Emcee. Witty redhead, handy with a whip.

DH: 30, Strong Man. Comedian, defender of virtue.

Halie: 7, Chimpanzee. Pulls teeth, loves bananas.

Catie: 5, Leaping Lemur. Gentle and cuddly, loves grapes.

Rosie: 2, Cappuccin. Flings poo, loves carrots.

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